


A Passing Glance

by An_Angels_Wings



Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F, Past Heartache, Romance, Sexual, Suicide Attempt, Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-27
Updated: 2018-01-18
Packaged: 2018-10-24 19:54:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10748697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/An_Angels_Wings/pseuds/An_Angels_Wings
Summary: Vera is tired of feeling so useless, petty and stupid, her mother's voice haunting her everyday and with a certain Governor on her mind, she feels defeated. She feels awful. She feels... like she needs to go away...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. Please try to be nice because this is my first story I'm writing on this particulor site. Now, I hope you enjoy!

Vera slammed her door open, and slammed it back shut, not minding the sound seeing as her mother was gone. Rita had grown so sick of her daughters inability and ineptness to take care of her, that she had called a nursing home to take her away from, and Vera quoted; 'her idiotic, weak, and utterly pathetic excuse of a daughter'.

She was no longer fast asleep or wailing for Vera's attention as she passed the threshold of her now empty home. She threw her shoes off and dropped her keys on the counter in the kitchen. 

Today, was not a good day. After being humiliated by the women, receiving the nickname Vinigar Tits, and Joan's obvious disappointment in her, Vera went into a zombie like state, not caring how defeated and sorrowful she looked. 

She sat down at the table and held her head in shame. 

"Your so right Joan... I am a disappointment... Both you and my mother have been right this whole time..."

She felt so weak, so tired. Tired of feeling alone. Tired of seeing so much that could drive anyone insane or to drink. But most of all, for the first time, she could clearly say she was tired of living.

Her mother's words from a few nights before she left seeped into her mind like venom.

" _Your a disappointment to me, Vera. Even as a girl, you never had much spirit..._ "

Vera started to sob before Joan's sultry voice joined in sync with her mother's bitter tone.

" _To think you showed so much promise Vera... I'm very disappointed..._ "

Hearing Joan say such things broke Vera. She was always willing to please, always wanting for Joan to be proud of her; to accept her, more so then any of the other Governors before her. It hadn't taken her long after spending quality time with Joan that she loved her, more then Fletch, or anyone. But, tragic fate, Vera knew she was too dull, too pathetic to know Joan felt the same.

While everyone else in the prison thought Joan a monster; a freak of nature even, Vera saw someone completely opposite. She saw a kind, beautiful, sultry, but oh so tortured and frightened woman. But all Joan saw in her was a frail, desperate weakling of a Deputy Governor. 

Vera looked at her phone, contemplating calling Joan and explaining herself, but she knew it would be useless. Joan was someone who wouldn't allow mistakes to happen, but when they did, she got angry, frustrated, intolerable.

Then her eyes drifted to the kitchen, staring at one of the large knives in the holder. As if it was instinct, she got up, walked to the the knife as if it were a beacon, and picked it up. She admired the blade with interest.

Her eyes dulled and her mind was made blank. She felt her heart pounding in her ribcage as she looked around herself. Her eyes went back to her phone, to Joan.

She looked back and forth between both the knife and her phone, as if contemplating what to do. She sighed and decided that she wouldn't leave Joan without telling her of her feelings. It was unfair of her to think of never telling the woman she loved dearly how she felt before ending the pain before it began. 

She found Joan's number and tapped it, holding the phone to her ear while keeping her breath under control. 

"Hello Vera."

When she heard that voice; that smooth, lovely voice, she felt her heart start to break. She stuttered to answer.

"H-Hello Governor."

"Please Vera, your on the phone with me, call me Joan."

"R-Right, sorry Gov- Joan."

"Is something wrong? You sound uneasy."

Vera bit her lip but sighed and held her already aching heart.

"I... I just wanted to tell you something I've been meaning to say for a while and... and I hope you'll forgive me for saying it."

There was a pause before Joan answered.

"Well, it depends on what it is, but I'm willing to listen. What's on your mind?"

Vera let a few tears escape before looking at the knife in her other hand and walking upstairs to her room as she spoke to Joan.

"I... I've wanted to tell you in person what I'm about to say but... I don't believe you'll like what I have to say and I don't think I can handle seeing your face after saying it. And after today... I don't believe I can tell you..."

Vera paused a second before continuing.

"Joan, since you came to Wentworth, I've found that you've been a great friend and a wonderful colleague. You helped me relax and take control of what I wanted, helped me see how the entire machine worked; all the small parts and big ones. But... with each encounter I had with you, with every friendly drink and dinner we had, I saw parts of you that no one else did; the kind, courteous and caring Joan that was hidden by a wall of security and control. And... that's the Joan I've been in love with for months now-"

She heard a hitch of breath on Joan's side but didn't ackknowledge it and continued.

"-the Joan I would foolishly think could love me back if I gave it time, but... now I know the truth... I can't keep torturing myself like this, I can't keep going on with life when I know that all I am is a useless woman who is just someone wasting your time and wasting her emotions on something she knows will never happen..."

Joans breathing became rapid on the other side before she spoke in a frantic tone.

"Vera, where are you right now?! And where is all this coming from?! I will not lose my... finest officer because of a few doubts!"

Vera cried into the phone, bracing the knife above her heart, the blade piercing her skin and drawing blood as she pressed before whispering softly.

"Goodbye Joan... I love you so much and I hope you can forgive and forget me..."

She clicked the disconnect button before crying as her tears and blood spilled slowly on the floor, onto her white work shirt and her pale pink bra. The knifes tip was completely in and the wound she was inflicting grew in size as the width of the blade increased. 

Just as she thought the pain would be over soon, someone burst through the door, yelling her name in a voice she knew all too well. 

"VERA!"

Vera whimpered at the voice and let go of the handle before dropping to her knees from the pain.

Joan's loud, pounding footsteps ran to her room before she felt large hands and strong arms envelope her. Joan looked down at her with dark, terrified eyes before they became darker at the sight of the knife sticking out of her left side of her chest.

"Oh Vera, my darling... how could you do this to me?! How could you do this to YOURSELF!?"

Vera looked into Joan's eyes, the eyes that looked like they had stars in them, so dark, so mysterious, so alluring. Then she saw the pain and terror in them and looked away before the blood loss started to mess with her head. She looked dizzily at Joan again.

"I did it to be free... I don't want to feel anymore..."

She didn't see the face Joan made , a face filled with horror and failure, nor did she hear the scream of fright from Joan as she fell into darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vera is tired of feeling so useless, petty and stupid, her mother's voice haunting her everyday and with a certain Governor on her mind, she feels defeated. She feels awful. She feels... like she needs to go away...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Please try to be nice because this is my first story I'm writing on this particulor site. Now, I hope you enjoy!

Vera opened her eyes slowly and painfully to find herself in a hospital bed. She looked around with hazy eyes before her eyes fell on Joan, sleeping soundly in a chair at her bedside. She paled as she remembered what had happened with an agonizing speed. Her bad day. Her confession to Joan. Her attempted suicide. Joan barging into her home and asking her why before she passed out mere seconds after answering her. She looked at the raven haired Governor in shock.

"Joan... you... she... she brought me here... she saved me..."

Vera brought her hand up to her chest and traced a line with stitches.

She looked down and sighed as she saw the long scar that was beginning to form where the knife had been. The wound looked to be healing faster then she thought but she didn't know how long she had been unconscious for from all the blood loss.

Vera heard Joan groan and stir in her sleep, making her dread the shouting match she was about to partake in. She sat there paralyzed as Joan sat up to stretch. She had bags under her eyes that were evidence of both no sleep and crying. She looked at Vera, her eyes widening and her hands starting to shake, looking like she was overjoyed and relieved to see Vera.

"Vera... you're... you're awake..."

Vera swallowed the lump in her throat before turning away from Joan. How could she face Joan after this? This whole ordeal of weakness? The marking on her chest would be a haunting reminder of how she failed to finish the job. How she was too inept and slow to finish what was planned.

She started to cry again before a gentle hand rested on her arm, begging her to face Joan, but she couldn't. She bawled into her hands, sobbing at how pathetic she must look in front of her boss, her Governor... her Joan.

She soon felt the warm embrace of strong arms and a warm body, holding her and protecting her in a comforting way. She couldn't help herself. She wrapped her arms around Joan's waist and gripped onto her for dear life. 

Vera's sobs quieted after a few minutes of Joan simply holding her, wiping away as many tears as she could that were left over on her Deputy's face. Vera soon was consoled enough for Joan to speak softly to her without causing more tears to flow.

"Vera... why... why would you attempt to... kill yourself? And... why do it... after what you said, I thought..."

Vera whimpered slightly before gripping onto Joan harder.

"I... I couldn't take the agony anymore Joan... It hurt too much... to-to..."

"Vera, relax, take your time, I'm not going anywhere. What hurt too much?"

Vera sighed and buried her face into Joan's shoulder for a moment before answering.

"It hurt... it hurt too much to hear you sound so disappointed and angry with me... after the whole 'Vinegar Tits' fiasco..."

Joan seemed to hold her tighter at the mention of that incident. Joan regretted ever telling Vera those words she had said the moment Vera went limp in her arms, a knife stuck in her chest and Joan screaming into her phone for an ambulance while trying to stop the blood with a blanket from her car. As soon as Vera had started to talk about suicide, as soon as she heard the defeat and pain in her voice, she had gotten into her car and listened to Vera's confession until she could speak. Vera continued while snuggling further into Joan, to feel her strength and power.

"-and... I just... I'm such a disappointment and I can't do anything right, can't follow orders and you and my mother were right, Joan! I'm such a big disappointment, a walking catastrophe! And what made the pain unbearable was that I loved you, still do, and the fact that you could never love me back, that I was going to alone forever, it killed me... it made me snap and that's when... when what happened, happened..."

Joan had seemed to be listening intently to what Vera was saying before she slowly but awkwardly kissed her forehead as a comforting gesture. She didn't feel love for Vera, no, it wasn't love just yet; she wasn't able to fully understand that emotion because of her father and... Jianna. Her father had destroyed that feeling between them when her mother passed away. Jianna had killed it when Joan had found her hanging on a noose at Blackmoore. Her father had turned her into a soldier, a manipulator, a planner, everything he would want in his child. And Jianna had made her broken, lost, frightened, and a tad unstable.

She did, however, care deeply for Vera. Actually, that was a large understatement; more like having a festering infatuation with the smaller woman in her arms.

She stroked Vera's hair as she silently cried before speaking in the softest voice she could muster.

"Vera... Oh my dear, sweet Vera... You didn't even wait to hear what I had to say to your confession. I think we need to change that and I need you to listen alright?"

Vera nodded gently in her arms, allowing Joan to continue.

"You are such a valuable, useful, and wonderful Deputy Governor. You can follow orders correctly and perfectly; you've shown me that so many times. I'm..."

She paused. Joan wasn't used to apologizing sincerely but seeing Vera's blue, sparkling eyes look at her expectantly gave her the strength to do it.

"I'm so sorry I've been so harsh and cold to you when I should have been helping you, comforting you. I just wanted to show you that you have to be stronger than this. You can't allow the women to get to you, but that shouldn't be at the expense of your sanity. You... you mean a great deal to me, Vera. I can't say what you said last night is what I feel as well-"

She saw Vera's eyes start to water before she continued while holding Vera's face in her hands, softly stroking her cheeks as more tears flowed.

"But I can say that I have... romantic attractions to you. You are the only one who won't call me a freak, who won't say I'm a monster, who will defend me when someone says an incorrect assumption of me. You give me a reason to be better, to..."

Joan paused again.

" _I need to tell her about my father... and Jianna. She won't understand why I did all these horrible things if I don't._ "

Joan sighed and sat upright, scooting onto the bed and putting Vera in her lap. Vera looked back up at her with questioning eyes. Joan pushed a hair out of that adorable face of hers before taking.

"My father, after my mother died when I was two, never gave me love or encouragement, therefore I... I don't understand the emotion and I don't know how to feel it. He destroyed any emotional ties we had before, made me as hard as stone, taught me to protect my feelings, to hide them because they are a weakness. He always told me, that 'emotions lead to mistakes' and made me who I am today... Joan Ferguson, the cold, harsh and controlling Governor."

She nearly choked as Jianna's name came from her lips, almost painfully.

"Jianna... she was the prisoner at Blackmoore I was involved with. She was pregnant, and she begged me to help her, to protect her. I agreed to help her because I knew how difficult and cruel the women in a prison can be when a pregnant woman is there. They think they can do whatever they want just because they know she can't fight back and risk hurting the baby. Jianna... we were close and I knew I loved her.

Joan let a tear escape as she remembered her love and devotion to Jianna. She felt a hand wipe away the shame, the guilt that streaked down her face and looked down at Vera. She gave her an small, encouraging smile before moving her hand, giving Joan the chance to continue.

"Later on, Jianna's baby was born in the prison. A beautiful baby boy. She named him Shayne and asked me if I wanted to hold him. When I did... I felt alive and... almost free, happy even. I felt like I was the sole protector of both of them, that they depended on me. We were so happy for a while, but then..."

She lowered her head away from Vera's gaze before choking on tears as she spoke.

"Social s-services came and took Shayne away... they saw it as ludicrous to raise a baby in a prison... it broke both Jianna and me... she was so-so upset and she snapped at me a f-few times but I knew she was just heartbroken... she loved Shayne so much, as much as I loved them both... and I failed both of them because a few nights later... she... she hung herself... she lelft me because they took her baby... our baby... I... I couldn't..."

Vera lifted Joan's head with her hand and stroked the tears away. Joan felt a sense of... comfort. She hasn't been able to feel this way since Jianna's death. Now she was being made feel this almost alien feeling by Vera. She cried a little harder before leaning forward and pressing her lips to Vera's. Her Deputy seemed shocked but didn't take long before kissing her back. After a few moments, they broke apart. 

They stared at each other for what seemed like hours before a cough was heard in the doorway of the room. A nurse looked at them with a smile before speaking.

"Mrs. Bennett should be good to go home now. Doctor recommends no heavy lifting or much upper body movement for at least a week, until the wound is able to heal without the help of stitches."

Joan smiled.

"Thank you, nurse. I'll take her home."

"Of course, Ms. Bennett. All sign her out right away."

Vera put a hand to her mouth to stop herself from laughing as she heard what the nurse had addressed Joan as. When the nurse left, Joan looked back at Vera and raised her eyebrow at the smaller woman's shaking form.

"Vera? Are you cold?"

"N-No, Ms. Bennett I-I'm fine. The fact that I'm MRS. Bennett now though shocked me, just a tad."

Joan blushed scarlet at the amused look in Vera's face before clearing her throat.

"Yes well... I wasn't allowed to see you without some sort of deep personal connection to you, so I acted as if I was, to put it simply, a ... worried spouse who wanted to see her... wife. It took a little persuasion and intimidation on my part but the lady at the desk was, thankfully, new to the job. They let me in faster than I initially thought after that."

Vera smiled brightly before reaching over and kissing Joan softly on the cheek.

"Well, I think that was rather clever of you, Joan. Though it would have been nice to get a heads up about being married to you. I would have loved to see the ceremony."

Joan blushed darker before looking away while Vera started, stumbling along the way, to stand. Joan quickly shook off the blush and helped her up.

"Well... let's get you out of those hospital rags so I can take you home, hm?"

Vera giggled, giving Joan a devious smile at the way the woman had phrased something so light-hearted to sound so suggestive. Joan obviously caught onto what Vera had thought and let go of her Deputy, straightening her shirt and standing taller to hide the embarrassment.

"Alright then... I'll just wait here and then we'll head to your house..."

Vera smiled, grabbing the clean clothes on the table and looked over to Joan from the doorway of the bathroom.

"Thank you so much..."

"For what, Vera?"

The smaller woman looked away for a second before answering with a look of pure love and admiration shining in her eyes.

"For keeping me alive..."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vera is tired of feeling so useless, petty and stupid, her mother's voice haunting her everyday and with a certain Governor on her mind, she feels defeated. She feels awful. She feels... like she needs to go away...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's been leaving such lovely comments and kudos. Enjoy Chapter 3!

Vera grasped Joan's hand as she was let out of the taller woman's car. She looked at Joan's house with confusion. They had been so engaged in conversation and pleasant silence that Vera hadn't registered that Joan had driven them to her house.

"Um, Joan? Why did you bring me to your house? Not that I'm complaining, I love your house, I only meant-"

Joan started to chuckle at Vera's rambling before placing a hand on her shoulder to quiet her.

"Vera, for the time it's going to take for the stitches to come out, you'll be staying with me. Half of the reason is because I think that would be best so I can keep an eye on you. Consider yourself on suicide watch."

Vera raised an eyebrow and was about to protest before thinking, then sighing in recognition. Joan was right. Even though she had confessed her feelings and Joan had in turn reciprocated some part to those emotions, she still had some demons and she could lose sight of Joan's affection because of Fletcher or her mother's damaging words. She crossed her arms to get rid of the chill that the air blew towards her.

"Your right, that seems to be the best course of action, but what's the other half of the reason?"

Joan smiled and drew Vera to rest in her arms at her door. Kissing the brunettes cheek, she rested her chin on her shoulder before whispering softly.

"I like having you close, having you near me, in my home. You make it... feel more like home, more complete, so to say."

Vera blushed at the warm breath that caressed her ear, her neck before smiling at the sentiment and honesty in Joan's voice.

"That's so sweet, Joan. No one has every said something like that to me."

"Well that's their loss, my dear. I'm glad I'm the first."

Vera giggled before being led inside to the warm, welcoming home of Joan Ferguson. She went inside and smiled at the simplicity and calmness that engulfed Joan's house. She slipped off her shoes, placing them precisely beside each other, knowing that Joan was very obsessive about cleanliness. 

Joan smiled as Vera took off her coat and shoes, placing them perfectly where they belonged. She appreciated the action and Vera immensely. She admired the petite woman, smiling and looking at home, looking like... she belonged here, with her. Vera then turned and saw Joan looking at her, a slightly dreamy look on her usually stoic face.

"Um... Joan, are you alright?"

Joan shook herself out of her thoughts before smiling at Vera charismatically.

"I'm wonderful, my dear. Just admiring the view."

Vera blushed pink before clearing her throat. Joan chuckled, coming to stand beside the smaller woman. She rested her hand on Vera's shoulder, softly rubbing it.

"Why don't you go sit in the lounge and I'll bring us something to eat? You haven't had anything for a day and a half."

Vera raised an eyebrow at this.

"I've... I've been out of it for that long?"

Joan saw the slightly distressed look on her deputy's face before she awkwardly kissed Vera's forehead gently.

"Nothing to worry yourself over, Vera. What's important is that your awake and healing."

Vera hugged Joan hesitantly while snuggling her face into the older woman's shoulder.

"Your right Joan, thank you..."

Joan squeezed her lightly in reasurrence before letting go and gesturing to the lounge.

"Well, get yourself settled and I'll follow you in shortly."

Vera looked up at her and smiled.

" _Oh god that smile... it makes me feel like there's no other happiness in the world except on her face..._ "

Joan turned away while she faintly heard the light footsteps of Vera as she started to prepare a light meal for them.

* * *

 Joan came into the lounge, a plate of caprese salad and garlic bread in each hand, to find that Vera was fast asleep on her leather chair. Usually she would be bursting with anger at the blatant disregard for commen courtesy as a guest, but with Vera she seemed more... calm, relaxed, at ease. She looked so peaceful. Not to mention she actually cared for Vera; she wasn't some stuck up superior or colleague, here for a debrief or a drink to discuss work, she was a friend, a... romantic interest.

She placed the plates down on the coffee table softly as to not wake the sleeping beauty. She watched Vera as her chest rose and fell, her hair gracing her face softly, coming out of her ponytail. She smiled at the light snoring the smaller woman was making. It was adorable. 

Vera started to move in her sleep, showing distress and fear on her face before talking in her sleep.

"J-Joan... No... I... I-I didn't mean to... Please... P-Please don't leave me... I'm sorry..."

Joan carefully moved over to Vera's side and slipped her hands underneath her, gently picking up the smaller woman as tears streaked down her face.

"Joan... I didn't... I didn't want to... dissapoint you... please forgive me..."

Joan carried her upstairs to her bedroom, feeling like her small love seat would be too awkward for her to sit down and comfort the fragile woman, sitting up and adjusting Vera so she was laying against her, she stroked the woman's hair, her thumb rubbing away the tears as they cascaded down Vera's lovely face, and kissing her forehead and cheeks softly.

Vera seemed to relax at her actions and her eyes fluttered open. She started to hiccup and gasp as she fully woke up, Joan holding her tighter and kissing away more tears that appeared. When she had fully calmed herself, Vera looked around the room curiously before setting her eyes on the woman behind her.

"J-Joan? Where..."

"Shh, hush, my dear. You're in my room. You're safe. Safe with me. You're safe. I'll not leave you."

Vera sighed, relaxing into Joan as she felt the older woman's words calm her. After a few minutes, Joan turned Vera's face towards her.

"Vera, what was the nightmare about?"

Vera turned her head away for a moment before looking back at darker eyes.

"I... I dreamt that you had gotten upset at me over one of the prisoners escaping, even though there was no way they could have because we were on lockdown. You yelled at me, called me incompetent, useless, stupid... I... I started to cry and you... you slapped me... called me weak and pathetic-"

At this, Joan's breath hitched, but Vera continued.

"-You said... you said that you were done with me, that you hated me and you didn't want me, that you were l-leaving me... You threw me out of your office and I... I heard the prisoners laughing at me, calling me... V-V-Vinegar Tits, and you joined in... mocking me, making me scream... that's when I woke up..."

Vera quietly started to sob again before Joan made her look at her.

"Vera, listen to me... I... I know I've hurt you, I know I've done things I'm not particularly proud of, but believe me when I say I would never, not in all my life, hurt you physically. You are not any of those things that you heard; your beautiful, kind, generous, and the finest Deputy Governor I've had the pleasure of working with. I could never ask for a better officer, nor a more lovely... companion."

She wiped away any remaining tears on the smaller woman's face before seeing her smile slightly. Joan continued.

"And why would I ever want to leave such a wonderful woman like you? Like I said at the hospital, I'm not...

She paused before breathing and calming her anger at what she was about to say before speaking.

"I'm not the Freak in your eyes. I'm not a monster. You see me as simply Joan Ferguson, not the Governor of Wentworth."

Joan saw Vera's bright smile, giving her one in return before leaning forward and whispering softly in her ear.

"Why would I ever leave such a beautiful person who sees behind my facade and knows me truly? You, Vera Bennett, are someone worthy of keeping with me for as long as I'm allowed to have you."

Vera shuddered as the hot breath caressed her ear before bringing Joan's face towards hers and kissing her softly, pouring her affection into it fully. Joan smiled into it before pulling Vera closer, running her hands through her tousled hair and up her back. Vera opened her eyes as they parted before smiling brightly with a happy shine to her eyes at Joan.

Vera yawned, making Joan chuckle at her before drawing her under the covers, quickly joining her.

"Joan, I'm still in my clothes. I-"

Joan quieted her by pulling her to her chest, kissing her hair line gently.

"Vera, it's fine. It's not unheard of to sleep in your day clothes. Just sleep, you're exhausted. I'll get your clothes from your house in the morning."

Vera sighed, snuggling into Joan, wrapping her small arms around the tall woman's waist before giggling as a thought came to mind.

"What's so humorous my dear?"

Vera smiled up at Joan before responding with a devious smirk on her face.

"So, you'll be snooping through my dresser drawers, retrieving my clothes and my... delicates, so to say?"

Joan blushed in the darkness of the room before smiling at the younger woman, trailing her lips over her neck sensually before speaking.

"Hmm, I suppose I'll have to, seeing as you'll be asleep and unable to assist me."

Vera giggled before yawning again and laying back into Joan for comfort.

"Sleep, Vera, we'll talk more in the morning... after I retrieve your... things."

Vera sleepily chuckled before falling asleep in Joan's strong arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. Please try to be nice because this is my first story I'm writing on this particulor site. Now, I hope you enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm not dead or anything like that, but I'm so sorry for not updating in so long, I've been having... really bad problems both emotional and mental for a while now, and I've been trying to sort myself out but I'm taking baby steps for now. My top priorities are my schooling, my stories, myself, and my once loving girlfriend who had a serious concussion caused by an accident, making her forget who I am to her. I will be trying to help her as well as keep my stories updated as much as I can, but I won't promise anything. Anyway, on a way less depressing note, enjoy the much needed new chapter!

* * *

Vera woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and only slightly sore where her stitches were. She patted the other side of the bed, searching for a warm body that wasn't there. She groaned sleepily before her eyes opened to look around.

Finding no sign of Joan, she stretched before wincing slightly from the pain. Her hand went up to the wound, softly massaging it before swinging her legs to the edge of the bed to get up. 

A small smile creeped onto her face as she first caught the sweet scent of bacon and pancakes in the air, wafting up to her from downstairs.

She looked down at her wrinkled clothes from the day before and cringed. She really needed to change. She looked around for anything else to wear, only seeing one of Joan's large t-shirts. 

Vera bit her lip in contemplation on whether to wear it. She would only need to just so she could go downstairs to ask Joan about her own clothes in something other than the things she was wearing now. 

She didn't want to have Joan look at her in distaste for her lack of a pristine appearance.

Her mind made up, she grabbed the shirt and stripped, the shirt slipping over her petite figure nicely, just coming up mid thigh for her.

She went into the bathroom to fix her hair, turning to the mirror momentarily to look at herself. Her eyes widened, her breathing quickening, as she saw her mother behind her, glaring at her with her cruel eyes filled with malice. 

" _Stop looking at yourself so vainly, Vera! How many times do I have to say it's a waste of time for you to look at yourself? You'll always be worthless, stupid, and unattractive..._ "

Vera backed away, covering her eyes desperately to get the image of her mother out of her head.

"She isn't here... she's at the home... she's at the home..."

She slowly peaked to see if her mother was still there. Luckily, Rita Bennett wasn't there. 

Vera let out a sigh she didn't know she had been keeping in. She quickly fixed her hair into soft waves over her shoulders and her back, before heading downstairs.

Her smile came back as the aromas she had picked up earlier became stronger. She also heard audible humming coming from the kitchen. Then a few traces of words were sung softly in a brilliant contralto.

"I know those eyes... following me..."

Vera felt drawn in as her mind filed away the sweet, haunting sound of Joan's voice to her memory. She didn't even realize that she was being watched carefully by a set of two mesmerizing obsidian eyes that bore into her very soul as their voice sang again.

"Dark and familiar... and deep as the sea..."

Vera's eyes shut, a larger smile gracing her lips that made her whole face have a beautiful glow around it. Joan turned off the element, placing their food aside for now, walking slowly towards this angel that decided to grace her presence with her radiance, singing another line gently as she moved.

"I know that face... strange, though it seems..."

Joan's hands reached for Vera, clasping her smaller ones in a protective embrace before looking up again at the smiling face that still hadn't seen or knew Joan was in front of her. 

Vera's face flashed to become an older one. A face Joan was accustomed to seeing more often than she would like; her Jianna.

Her voice faltered for a moment as Jianna stared right through her, taunting her, making a wave of guilt and pain wash through her for a split second. The long dead young woman nodded to Joan softly, a genuine, toothy smile appearing, making Joan relax again and smile as Jianna's face dissipated; Vera's angelic features returning to her view.

She stroked along Vera's jaw tenderly before drawing her closer into her arms, protecting her, as she sang.

"Younger and kinder, it haunts all my dreams..."

Vera rested her head against Joan's chest, listening to her heartbeat. After a moment, Vera registered what she was hearing, her eyes shooting open and her head slowly looking up at Joan bashfully, a blush starting to form across her cheeks. 

"I-I'm sorry, Joan. Your voice... I didn't... I only wanted-"

"Shhh, don't worry, Vera. I quite enjoyed our little... 'experience'." 

Vera blushed harder before looking down, away from Joan. Joan smirked, her index finger reaching towards Vera's chin to tilt it upwards so she could properly admire her blushing face.

"No need to be embarrassed, my dear. I could tell by your reaction you enjoyed my singing, am I correct?"

All Vera could do was nod before answering softly.

"You sing beautifully..."

Joan's smirk widened before letting her hand drop and started to move back to the kitchen.

"While I did rather enjoy that little distraction, I think I should be a proper hostess and feed you, shouldn't I?"

Right on queue, Vera's stomach growled excitedly at the mention of food. Vera sheepishly smiled before answering.

"If it's not too much trouble, I'd really appreciate some food as you can probably guess from my stomach growling." 

Joan chuckled lightly before finishing cooking. Vera sat down at the dining table, quietly waiting for Joan to join her.

Her mind wandered a little as she waited. She thought of how Joan had comforted her so well last night after her nightmare woke her up. How she reassured her and made her feel so safe afterwards.

Fletcher had never given her that sort of stability and safety. And yet this woman, Joan Ferguson; a seemingly cold and controlling person who's only want was to correct, had comforted and given her exactly what she needed and wanted. She wasn't at all bad, she was just misunderstood. 

"Vera?"

Vera jumped slightly out of her musings as Joan called her name. She turned to look at Joan apologetically.

"I'm sorry Joan, I guess I was in my own little world for a moment there."

Joan quirked an eyebrow before setting down the plates filled with breakfast and tried to busy herself while she spoke.

"Was it nice where you were?"

Vera was slightly startled by the question, but grinned happily while answering.

"Yes, actually. The main reason being that you were there with me."

Joan's back stiffened, her hands grasping the counter slightly. Vera stood up slowly, her mind filling with doubts and her lip being chewed to show she was worried. She berated herself in her head.

" _My god, Vera! That was too much, too soon!_ "

She walked towards Joan calmly before reaching her hand out, placing it gently on the taller woman's shoulder. Joan seemed to relax under her touch, before turning around and holding Vera closer, stroking her hair to soothe herself.

Vera let this happen for a few minutes before pulling away and reaching up on her toes to gently kiss Joan's cheek. Joan didn't give her a chance to move away, pulling her lips to hers.

Vera sighed in contentment as Joan tenderly kissed her, as if she was a delicate porcelain doll. Only from lack of air did they break apart from each other. 

Joan slowly smiled down at Vera before noticing her attire.

"Is that one of my shirts?"

Vera snapped out of her blissful state and blushed. Hard.

"I... well, yes, but I only wanted... my clothes were wrinkled and I... I just didn't want you to-"

She paused abruptly before looking down, her hands shaking in front of her as she barely managed to speak.

"I didn't want you to look at me with distaste because my attire was... less than clean..."

Joan stared at this beautiful woman, comprehending what she had said carefully. She knew she had a problem with keeping things orderly and clean, but Vera was so pure. Her OCD wasn't a problem with her. She knew Vera was always trying to please those above her, trying to fill the void of doubt left there by years of demeaning and discriminating words said by her own mother.

At these thoughts, Joan had to push aside the flash of anger that streaked through her mind as she thought of Rita Bennett. **That** **woman** , who had given life to the angel that was so damaged now because of her, was never going to hurt said angel again.

Joan looked back at Vera's face and felt her heart crack as she saw a solitary tear leave Vera's eye and fall to the floor. She quickly wrapped Vera back in her embrace, wiping away the single tear streak as she lifted the younger woman's head.

"Vera, look at me please."

Vera was shocked slightly to hear the soft tone in Joan's voice. Being the obedient little mouse she still was, she looked at Joan, only to see a genuine, reassuring smile.

"I will never see you as something that needs to be corrected or cleansed. You need support and affection, not cruel criticism or... the less than ideal opinions of others."

Vera looked at her blankly for a moment before breaking down into sobs. Joan was confused at this reaction but needed and wanted to comfort her. She pressed Vera closer to her, shushing her and softly rocking her. Kissing her forehead, Joan whispered in her ear.

"I rather like the look of my oversized shirt on you."

That got Vera to laugh a little as her head stay buried in Joan's chest. She looked up after her sobs slowed into subtle hiccups.

"Thank you Joan."

Joan smiled gently before leaning down to peck Vera on the lips.

"Anytime, dear Vera. Now, how about we feed that hungry stomach of yours, hm?"

Vera giggled before nuzzling Joan's neck, kissing it lovingly, before laying her head on Joan's chest again, just to hear her steady, strong heartbeat.

"I'd like that."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still feel really bad for not updating in a while so I'm going to be doing a hand full of chapters in the next week or so. Enjoy another chapter!

As Vera sat down in the lounge, she smiled contently while picking up the book Joan had been reading last night before they decided to sleep.

It had been almost a week since Vera was brought to stay in Joan's home. She had recovered almost completely from her suicide attempt, but Joan, begrudgingly, suggested she go see Bridget at least once a week. Vera agreed as long as Joan would come with her. Joan had sighed but agreed as well. For most of the week, Joan would go to work for a few hours and then come home to keep an eye on Vera.  

They would spend a few hours going over papers from work; Vera always helping so Joan wouldn't become too stressed or frustrated, and then relaxing with each other after dinner. The routine became so domestic and pleasant that they never had the awkward moments of silence like before; more comfortable ones took place now. 

Vera read the cover of the book and her eyes widened a fraction at the title she had read when she was younger every now and then when her mother wasn't around. 

She smiled nonchalantly as she opened "The Phantom of the Opera" to its first page, remembering not to lose Joan's place in the book. She didn't realize she had been reading for a few hours until she was almost three quarters through the book, when Joan came in, the door shutting slightly louder than usual.

Vera jumped slightly at the sound. Turning her head towards the doorway for a moment, her eyes quickly returned to her page as she saw the look of pure frustration in Joan's face. She winced as she heard Joan practically stomp towards the bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

Vera sighed, grabbing a bookmark to mark her place in the book. She got up slowly, before heading to the kitchen to cook dinner. Joan usually cooked but Vera thought she deserved a nice break tonight.

She looked on her phone for something Joan would like and something that was easy to make with the food they had. She decided on chicken alfredo with mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables. 

She heard curses coming from upstairs in Joan's study but tried to ignore it as she put the chicken in the oven. She had already put steamed the vegetables to perfection and the mashed potatoes were just finishing up so now all she had to do was wait for the chicken. 

She cleaned up the kitchen quickly, set up the table, and lit some rose scented candles she had bought earlier in the week right before the chicken finished. She pulled it out of the oven, smiling before gasping as she slightly burned her hand. Putting the chicken down on the counter quickly, she checked the burn. It wasn't that bad, but the skin on her palm was already red and peeling a little. Vera put it under cold water for a few minutes, sighing as it helped ease the sting. Wiping her hands, she started putting the food on plates. When she finished and everything was ready, she looked up the stairs, biting her lip with slight anxiety bubbling to the surface. She started to walk up the stairs before she heard Joan yell as she made it to the landing.

"Channing, if you try to step **ONE FOOT** into **MY** prison, YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM THE BOARD!"

Vera squeaked as she heard the phone being slammed down. She breathed to calm herself and to stop shaking in fear. She slowly walked to the door and lightly knocked. She didn't hear anything for a minute before Joan spoke in a softer tone.

"Come in, Vera."

She opened the door with a shy smile on her face. Joan's stern, irritable features seemed to soften and was replaced by a trying smile of her own.

"You seem to be in a good mood. How was your day, my dear?"

Vera smiled. Joan usually asked this at the door when she came in, but Vera understood that she had had a bad day. Still, she was glad Joan took a moment to ask.

"It was nice. I was almost finished reading "Phantom of the Opera" when you came in."

Joan's smile widened.

"Oh? A favorite of yours?"

Vera came closer, shutting the door as she still wanted to surprise Joan.

"I used to read it as often as I could when I was a teenager. It was and still is my favorite. I even got to go see the movie when it came out."

Joan got up from her chair as Vera came closer, reaching a hand out to pull the smaller woman towards her. She ran a hand down the side of Vera's face before kissing her softly. After a moment, she pulled away and had an apologetic look to her eyes.

"I'm sorry I ignored you when I came in, Vera. Channing was questioning how I run the prison and it left me a bit... irritable."

Vera snuggled her face closer into Joan's chest, inhaling the faint scent of lavender the taller woman's body was enveloped in. 

"No need to apologize. I understand."

Joan ran a hand through Vera's hair gently, kissing her hairline. Vera sighed happily at the gesture before grabbing Joan's hand and leading her to the door.

"Vera, what are you doing?"

"You'll see."

Joan raised an eyebrow curiously, but couldn't help smiling down at Vera's joyful expression. She was led down the stairs and her nose was immediately hit by delicious aromas of both a wonderful meal and roses. Her dark eyes scanned around the room, taking in the candles, the romantic setting, the food, before her eyes returned to Vera's, a shocked look on her face.

"Vera... did you...?"

Vera nodded softly.

"I thought I'd treat you to a nice meal after you having a stressful day."

Joan didn't get to respond as she was seated and her stomach growled hungrily at the food presented in front of her. Vera was about to pull her own chair out when she winced slightly from her still tender, burnt palm. Joan was too shocked and distracted by the scene around her to notice so Vera just sat down and tried to ignore the painful sting. 

"Vera, this is... this is so nice and... thoughtful of you."

Vera forced a smile through the pain that was becoming slightly worse and uncomfortable.

"Well, I think it's about time I gave a little back for all the things you've done for me."

Joan simply gave her a dream-like smile, making Vera's heart speed up, before beginning to dig in. Vera's hand twitched irritably before she couldn't take it anymore. She stood up and calmly walked to the kitchen.

"Vera, are you alright?"

"Yes, fine! Just enjoy your meal, I'll be back in a second."

Joan got curious as to what her companion was up to and quietly stood up. She inched closer to the kitchen before hearing Vera hiss in pain as the tap ran. She came up behind the petite woman by the sink, before her eyes widened at the sight of Vera's burnt hand.

"Vera, when did you burn your hand?"

Vera whirled around, startled. She tried to hide the injury but Joan was having none of that. Gently as she could, she grabbed the small hand, turning it palm up to look at the wound. 

"When did this happen?"

The blue eyed doe of a woman turned her head away, biting her lip before answering.

"I accidentally burnt my hand a little when I was taking the chicken out of the oven..."

Joan looked up at her, a slightly concerned expression on her face.

"Don't ever try to hide an injury from me."

"But Joan, it isn't that bad. It will be gone within a few days and I didn't want to ruin your-"

"Vera."

Joan gave her the most intense look of finality Vera stopped speaking entirely, her voice dying in her throat as she looked into smouldering eyes.

"Don't you **EVER** hide an injury, no matter how minor, from me. The meal can wait, but I want this treated sooner rather than later."

Vera could only nod before she was practically dragged towards the bathroom down the hall. Her hand was placed gingerly on the counter while Joan rummaged in the medical cabinet for gauze and pain relief cream. When she found it, she placed the gauze down and gently picked up Vera's hand after squeezing some cream onto her fingers. She rubbed the ointment into the raw, damaged skin soothingly before washing her hands and grabbing the gauze.

Vera looked up at Joan as she concentrated on wrapping her hand. She felt terrible that she had been so stupid as to burn herself and then not be able to wait until Joan was done eating to get up and bring attention to it.

"Vera, you aren't stupid for burning yourself and I'm glad I caught sight of this sooner rather than after we finished eating."

Vera blushed as she realized she had been talking out loud. Joan tucked the gauze and made sure it was comfortable before looking at Vera again directly. The younger woman began to quietly cry as she spoke.

"I'm... I'm sorry Joan. I didn't mean to ruin your evening with this..."

Joan brought Vera into her arms, picking her up bridal style and bringing her to the lounge, blowing out the candles as she walked by. She sat down with Vera in her lap, the woman still feeling guilty and whispering "I'm sorry" to Joan between hiccups and sharp intakes of breath.

Joan simply turned Vera's face to hers, her lips kissing away any tears that dared try to make it onto Vera's rosy cheeks. Vera calmed after a few minutes, her breathing slowing and her eyes going up to meet dark, understanding orbs of black.

"I'm sorry, Joan."

Joan pushed a strand of stray hairs away from Vera's ocean blue eyes.

"From how many times you've said sorry, some people would think you were born Canadian."

Vera tried to hold in the laugh, but couldn't and burst into mirthful giggles. Joan joined in the joy while pressing her nose into chestnut waves, laughing and feeling accomplished in making Vera smile again. After a few minutes, they calmed down enough to speak.

"Vera?"

"Yes?"

"Why don't we go finish that lovely dinner you prepared?"

Vera's smile returned before Joan was on the receiving end of a sweet kiss that she wished could last forever.

"I think that's a nice idea, Joan."

They both got up, hand in hand, blissful expressions consuming they're faces as they left the lounge.


	6. Chapter 6

Vera her eyes, her head tucked underneath Joan's chin and strong arms wrapped around her slim hips. They had gone to bed shortly after dinner at Joan's request, explaining that it had been a long day and she just wanted to hold the smaller woman in her arms. Vera looked up and saw the thin streams of sunlight break through the cracks of the curtains, a smile creeping onto her face after seeing them make their way over her and Joan.

She squeaked slightly as she felt Joan's arms tighten on her waist, her lips softly kissing Vera's wild, wispy curls. She sighed in contentment, turning over and snuggling further into Joan's embrace. The black and slightly grey, thick hair cascading across her cheek, tickling Vera's face. She kissed the older woman's collarbone, her neck and shoulders before she heard a sleepy growl emanate from deep in Joan's throat. She smirked as the hands on her hips curled and slightly clawed at her through the large shirt Joan had loaned her. 

Vera kissed Joan's strong jawline and her nose before she felt herself being flipped onto her back, letting out a surprised squeal.

"If you continue to do that, I'll have no choice but to teach you a lesson, _Miss Bennett_."

Vera giggled, nipping Joan's neck and smiling at her.

"I think you should teach me a lesson, _Governor_."

She looked up into the darkened eyes of Joan before she felt teeth latch onto her shoulder, right above her scar. Lips and teeth continued their sweet, yet painful torture by trailing up to her neck and cheek, sucking and biting.

She held back a discontent moan as the lips stopped and a face so familiar buried itself into her hair, deep breaths being taken in.

”As much as I would enjoy endulging in our desires, I have plans for you today.”

Vera groaned but nodded and started to get up before she was tugged back to straddle Joan.

”I didn’t mean that we should leave the bed yet, Vera. A few more minutes of sleep wouldn’t hurt.”

Vera smiled and cuddled into Joan’s large chest. She heard Joan sigh happily before the silence took place. 

After about 15 minutes, Joan started to get up, signalling to Vera that she should move.

They both took turns showering and getting ready for the nice, sunny day Australia had to offer. 

When Vera got downstairs, freshly showered and changed into a cyan blue tank top with white shorts and court shoes, Joan was already serving breakfast. 

Vera smiled at the realization of how lucky she was to have Joan in her life. She sneakily walked up behind Joan and planted a kiss on the back of her shoulder, which was bare from the similar tank top she wore.

Wrapping her arms around the tall woman’s waist, she rested her head on Joan’s back. Joan placed her hands over Vera’s as she finished with breakfast before turning in the smaller woman’s arms. She leaned down and kissed Vera’s forehead before softly gesturing towards the dining table. 

“Could you grab two cups and the cutlery and I’ll join you in a minute?”

Vera only smiled and nodded, doing as she was asked before sitting down and having a plate of bacon, eggs, and hash browns placed in front of her. Joan placed her head on Vera’s shoulder, before Vera turned her head at the same moment as Joan so their lips met. Both women smiled into the gentle kiss before parting.

Joan sat down and they talked of simple things as they ate. After they finished Vera took the dishes into the kitchen to clean them thoroughly, so Joan wouldn’t get frustrated. 

When she finished, she found Joan at the door with beach bags and a large sun hat on her head. Vera tried to hold back her giggles but that only made her start to cackle. Joan tried not to smirk at the other woman’s cute laughter.

”What’s so funny, Vera?”

Vera struggled to catch her breathe.

“Y-Your s-s-sun hat!”

Joan raised an eyebrow before putting her hands on her curvy hips.

”What’s wrong with my sun hat?”

Vera tried to stop laughing but ending up chortling and snorting.

Joan thought it was adorable how Vera could laugh so freely around her, even if it was at her own expense.

Vera’s laughter slowly died down as she held her chest to catch her breath. 

“I’m sorry Joan, it’s just I never thought I’d see THE ‘big, bad, Governor Ferguson’ wearing an oversized sun hat.”

Joan walked towards Vera with a devious smirk on her face.

”And I never thought I’d see THE ‘sweet, composed Deputy Governor’ snort like an adorable little piglet.”

Vera’s face flushed in embarrassment before Joan lifted her chin to look up at her shadowed face.

”Don’t be embarrassed Vera, I think it’s quite... cute the way you laugh.”

Vera gave a half smile before hugging Joan. Joan kissed her hairline before breaking the silence. 

“We better get going. It’s nearly 11 o’clock and I want to try and spend as much time in the sun with you as possible.” 

Vera hummed in approval and headed out the door, a bag in hand and Joan’s hand on the small of her back.

* * *

Vera was comfortably laying on her back on her towel, trying to tan when she felt a cold shadow stand over her.

Her and Joan had found a quiet area of the beach to spend some time together on. There were only a few other people there and they were a little farther down the beach from them.

She didn’t open her eyes because she knew it was Joan standing over her. 

”Joan, what are yo-“

She didn’t get to finish what she was going to say because a small wave of water was poured over her. She sputtered and coughed up the water before opening her eyes in shock to look up into mischievious brown eyes and a smug, smirking face. 

For a second, she sat there drenched before she saw Joan start to run to the water, a small bucket being thrown carelessly into the sand. Vera stumbled as she tried to get up while glaring at the retreating figure.

”JOAN FERGUSON, YOU GET BACK HERE! YOU BETTER HOPE I DON’T CATCH YOU!”

Vera started to speed into a full on run before she reached the shoreline. She ran through the shallow end, while Joan was pretty far out.

Vera dived into the water and swam quickly underwater before coming up for air only a few meters from Joan.

Joan was treading water and Vera could see her smug smile in full form as she got closer. She was just about there before she looked down into the depths. She gasped as she saw her mother’s face looking at her and her hand pulling Vera down into the bath.

 _”This is what happens to ungrateful daughters! This is what you deserve, Vera!”_  

Vera stopped swimming as a panic attack insued. She went under, her arms flailing helplessly as she went deeper and deeper under the water.

She was starting to black out from lack of air before she felt an arm wrap around her and start to swim up. She started to breathe heavily and started to cry as she broke the surface. 

“Vera! Vera, look at me! You’re  okay! I’ve got you, please tell me what’s wrong!?”

Vera calmed easily after hearing Joan’s voice and looked up into worried eyes. 

“P-Panic attack... m-mum... bath... drowning...”

Joan didn’t say anything and starting to swim them both back to shore. Once she got there, she picked Vera up and laid her down on her towel. Vera’s legs immediately curled to her chest.

When Vera looked up, she saw the Joan was beyond livid. She shrunk further into a ball.

”I’m sorry, Joan...”

She gasped as she felt Joan’s arms wrap around her protectively. 

“Don’t.”

Vera was about to ask what she was talking about before Joan continued.

”Don’t you dare apologize for having a panic attack. Your mother did something traumatizing to you and I will do everything I can to erase every bad thing she’s done to you from your memory.”

Vera started to sob uncontrollably into Joan’s shoulder while holding her as close as possible. After a few minutes, they let go of each other and Vera smiled as Joan wiped away the remnants of tears from the younger woman’s face.

”Thank you.”

Joan slowly kissed Vera with tenderness and affection pouring into it like a waterfall.

“Anytime, Vera. I’m not going anywhere.”

They touched foreheads affectionately before seeing that the sunset was beginning.

”Can we stay to watch the sunset, Joan?”

Joan saw the giddy expression on Vera’s face and chuckled.

”How can I ever say no to you when you make that face? Or any face for that matter?”

Vera smiled brightly before snuggling into Joan with their hands clasped together as they watched the sun go down.

Kissing under the newly placed stars after the sun left was like a fairytale for them. 

“Ready to go home, my dear?”

Vera took one last look over the moonlit ocean before gently grinning ear to ear.

”I’m always ready to go home with you Joan.”


End file.
